The End
by Mandy Hartzler
Summary: One-shot of Edward's POV of when he leaves Bella in New Moon.


**The End**

I took a deep breath.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't. She would be hurt… But she wasn't _safe_ now, and that was inexcusable. Bella Swan **had** to be safe. No matter what it cost.

I couldn't do it; the mere pain of the thought of my life without her tor through me, shredding me to pieces. I couldn't. But I _had_ to. And so I would. Somehow, I would _have_ to manage to leave her. For her own good.

I heard her car approaching, and worked on keeping my face clean. It wouldn't do to have her seeing me like this.

She parked her truck in the usual place.

I opened my door, and was next to her in less than a second. I got her school bag from her, and put it back in the truck. She seemed puzzled, but didn't object. "Come for a walk with me," I said, before she could do more than open her mouth. Once again, no objection.

I took her hand, knowing it would be the last time I'd do so.

I pulled her a little way in to the trees, taking the care of sticking to the path, and making sure the house could still be seen from where we were. I didn't want her to get lost when I was gone…

I let go of her hand, and leaned against a tree, not wanting to tell her what I had to say to keep her safe. I repressed a sigh. This would be difficult.

"Okay, let's talk," she said.

_Damn_.

I took a deep breath. _Keep her safe_, I told myself sternly. "Bella, we're leaving."

She didn't look surprised. That shocked me. Had she expected this? She didn't _seem_ sad… maybe there was already someone else. That would help my conscience… Bella took a deep breath, as if she, too, was about to say something she didn't want to say at all.

"Why now? Another year-"

Oh. _Oh_… She'd thought that when I'd said _we_… she would be coming too. That meant there was no other one, then. The warmth that crept through me then, was totally irrational. I _wanted_ her to forget me. It was something crucial for her survival. She had to get over me. The quicker, the better for her. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

My answer confused her. Her brow furrowed, and she looked at me, as if waiting for me to explain. I stared back at her, memorizing her face.

Then, her breathing spiked, and I could see she'd understood. The pain in her face made me want to take away my words, walk forward and embrace her fragile body in arms.

"When you say _we_-"

"I mean my family and myself," I told her, still fighting against the impulse of hugging her.

She nodded, but her face was blank; her eyes confused. I waited.

"Okay," she said slowly. "I'll come with you," she announced.

Hmm… tempting… _**NO!**_ I have to keep her safe. And that means I have to leave her.

Every fiber in my body screamed in protest to my next words, but I forced them out, even so. "You can't, Bella. Where we're going… it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me," she insisted.

As where the right place for _me_, is where _you_ are. Shame I couldn't say that out loud. I'd never been worthy of her; now even less than ever. "I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life."

The very worst part, maybe.

"My world is not for you," I said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

I wasn't sure I could continue if she said my name again. I just liked the way it sounded in her beautiful voice too much… and to think I'd never hear it again… unbearable.

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

Was she actually trying to drive me _insane_? "As long as it was best for you," which, clearly, wasn't the case anymore.

"_No_! This is about my soul, isn't it?" She sounded furious, and yet, there was an edge to her voice I couldn't identify. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you - it's yours already!"

Did she really _have_ to say my name? And what was this talk of not wanting her soul? _Keep her safe_, I reminded myself, taking a deep breath.

She wasn't going to let go; that much was obvious.

And that meant I'd have to dig the knife even deeper in: I'd have to lie to her. I felt repulsed at the very thought, but I knew it was the only way to make her safe again. Safe from me; from the monster I was. I stared at the ground, and I half smiled. I was stupid to think that would only hurt _her_… as if that weren't enough already. I could see… I could _feel_ that now. Not that I cared that I suffered. I just wanted her to be safe. And happy. Why did she have to make it so difficult to reconcile both?

I looked back at her, decided. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me," I said, slowly, watching her face, feeling the pain where my heart should have been. Where it _would_ have been, if I hadn't died ninety-odd years ago. Sigh.

She frowned, seeming confused, as if she couldn't make sense of my words. Realistically, not even I could make sense of them … it had been long gone since I'd stopped trying to understand myself and my feelings. Ever since I'd met Bella, actually. It wasn't a bad change. I liked it. Such a pity I'd have to let that go, too.

It seemed as if all I was doing today was losing things. More specifically, loosing the best things of my existence. It wasn't a happy overlook. Not even at a long shot. Necessary, though. Bella was more important than anything for me. I guess I'd pull through an eternity, as long as I was sure she was safe and happy. I could live with the rest. Or at least, I _hoped_ I could… though I couldn't see _how_ I'd do that.

"You… don't… want me?" she asked, sounding uncertain, as if she were scared she'd misunderstood.

And she had. Not that she'd misunderstood what I'd said. But what I felt. Of _course_ I wanted her! Honestly! Hadn't she heard _a thing_ of what I'd told her in the last six months? Did she have amnesia or something?!

"No," I said. My mind hissed at the blasphemy.

She stared at me, and I sustained her gaze.

"Well, that changes things," she said, absentmindedly.

I couldn't take it anymore. I looked away from her again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way," I added. I had to continue. If not, all her and my pain would have been in vain. "But what happened the other night made me realize it's time for a change. Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked back at her, disgusted by my lies; enraged with myself. I'd never get tired of pretending, as long as I could have her. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." For that, and for so many other things I'd done to her…

Her face turned into a mask of pure pain.

"Don't," she pleaded me. I didn't know if she was asking for me not to go, or for me not to be sorry._ Sigh_. Why did her thoughts have to be a mystery to me? Exactly the person who's thoughts I'd most want to hear, and, of course, I didn't manage. Ironic. But today I was glad for her mental silence. I was pretty sure, judging by her expression, that if I were in her head right now, I'd never manage to leave, and she would always be in danger.

"Don't do this." So she didn't want me to leave, then. Neither did I. But I had to. For her; for Bella.

I just stared at her. Even sad and pleading, she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She _had_ to be safe, even if, for that, she had to be unhappy.

"You're no good for me, Bella," I told her; the most ludicrous lie I'd ever said. I almost expected her to laugh.

She didn't.

Bella opened her mouth. I could see it, then. I could see it in her eyes. She had… _believed_ my words!

"If… that's what you want," she mumbled

Bewildered over the point of speaking, I simply nodded.

How _dare_ she believe this? Hadn't I told her, time and time again, that I'd _always_ love her? Was she having amnesia?

I couldn't comprehend, but I just had to make sure of one more thing. "I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

Her face passed from sad to hopeful. Happiness took over my features before I could compose myself again.

"Anything," she said, and it wasn't a mere whisper anymore

I let my composure crumble, and her heart kicked into fifth gear in response. I fought back a smile. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered her, sternly. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded. Her heart was still beating furiously.

I fought, yet again, the urge to laugh, and reminded myself what had to do. And how much pain it would bring me in consequence. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," I said, lying. Again. It felt like all I was doing today was lying to the love of my existence. "He needs you. Take care of yourself - for him."

She nodded again; eyes desolated, although her heart still wasn't right. But now it seemed more like a sick heart. I shuddered.

"I will," she said. Whispering again.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I told her, fighting the pain of my next words. Destructive. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

Her breathing spiked, and her heart was beating as if she'd just finished an Olympic race.

I smiled sadly at her. "Don't worry. You're human - your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

I _had_ to believe what I told her, so that I could hold on to the few strands of sanity that still remained for me.

"And you memories?," she asked.

I grimaced. "Well-" I said, hesitating as I thought of life without Bella. Unbearable. But I would bear it. I _had_ to. "I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted," I said, forcing a smile. Her eyes tightened slightly.

I stepped away from Bella. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

Surprise flashed across her face. "Alice isn't coming back," she said.

I shook my head, my eyes never leaving her face. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?"

_She's going to love me, too_ Alice had said, months before, when Bella had just arrived in Forks. I could see that now. I hadn't noticed their relationship was that strong. She didn't ask about anyone else. Only Alice.

"She wanted to say goodbye to you, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." Had I known she felt this way for Alice, I would have called her too.

Her heart sounded uneven again. "Goodbye, Bella," I said, quietly.

"Wait!," she chocked out, reaching her hand feebly toward me.

I stretched my arm out, and pinned her hands down beside her body. So soft. So beautiful. So breakable. I kissed her gently on her forehead, enjoying my last few seconds with her. I let her wrists go, and straightened up.

She had her eyes closed, but her expression wasn't peaceful. It was twisted into a mask of agony and depression. She looked sick.

But she would look worse; much worse if I allowed myself to stay, and something happened to her. "Take care of yourself," I whispered gently to her.

Then, before I could change my mind, before she could open her eyes, I turned and ran away.

Away from my life, away from my house, away from my school, away from my current city… away from my one and only love.

And now I was alone. And I had one very long, and extremely painful eternity stretching out in front of me.

An eternity I would spend alone.


End file.
